***
By John Mark Reynolds
Scriptorium Daily
(Translated from the original Newsweek-speak with comparisons to the Textus Times.)
Good News about Obama According to Obama
1Way, way, way over two years ago, there were many words from Obama about Obama, two books full. And Obama was in the Senate and Obama was the Senator from Illinois. Obama was in the beginning of Obama’s career, and though Obama did nothing in the Senate, Obama’s career was the Senate career the world had been waiting to see.*
2All good speeches were made by Obama, and without Obama no speech was made that was well made. 3In Obama was the Future of the Democrat Party, and the Party Future was the Light of Humankind, but one that was fluorescent and did not cause any warming to the cosmos.
3And the Eco-Friendly Light shines without heat, efficiently, in the darkness of Bush’s Washington and much of Washington warmed to the Eco-Friendly Light**, a warmth not due to man made Global warming.
And yet not all loved the Light. They loved darkness or at least incandescent, and they spoke of drilling and other ugly things 4and so Pelosi turned off their light in the name of Obama and cried out in a loud voice that Obama was the Light we had been waiting for. And many would not bless America or be proud of that land without Obama in it and so Rezko found a place to house the Light that all persons might see the Light.
(4a But Senator Clinton was silent and did not support Obama in a loud voice and many wondered at it and many others saw a Puma in the sky and on the Puma was written: Denver will be as Chicago was. 4bAnd some were frightened, but Obama was not.)
5There was a man sent to lose whose name was John. 6This man came to prepare the way for Obama. John was not the Light Bringer, but was sent to lose badly so that the Light Bringer would have a mandate and could prevent the oceans from rising. 7John was to only say Nice Things about the Light and bear witness to the lightness of the Light which was the true Light that would win the votes of every fair minded human person*** and of Jon Alter.
8 And Obama came to the world, and the world, especially Germany, was ready to receive Obama, but many of his own Americans did not support Obama because their hearts were cynical and they knew no French or German. 10Obama came to America and Obama’s own nation asked for qualifications and experience. 11 But as many Americans as received Obama, to those Americans Obama gave the right to become contributors to Obama’s campaign, 13 to those who would give Obama their credit card number: most of them born not so long ago, never having had jobs, or done much themselves, but hoping to inherit much from others.
14 And Obama ran for office and went to stadiums, and Americans beheld t-shirt stands and caps and much merchandise for sale. 15 They heard the glorious words of Obama and thought them graceful and as true as post-modernity would allow.
16 And Obama gave this speech again and again.
17 And again.
18 John McCain bore witness to the popularity of Obama and cried out saying, “This was Obama of whom I said, ‘the other candidate coming after me is preferred before me by the Times and by Newsweek, for Obama is more liberal than I.”
19 And of Obama’s speech we have all received, and received, hope and change****, change and hope, and hope to change the changing hope to change, because change and hope of change come from Obama.
20 No one has seen Obama without a teleprompter at any time, but the veep who is coming when Obama will pick another to stand with Obama and speak of hope and change. Obama will speak to this other without a teleprompter and this person will be called “vice-president.”
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4a Many manuscripts do not contain the apocalyptic interpolation of Clinton. Some break off at 4a. Many commentators feel 4b was added to Obama to comfort the believers in the ultimate triumph of Obama. (See Obama 16:6-16.)
* See the Book of Kerry Chapter 1:1-21.
** The NA-Text says merely Light.
*** Or “man.”
**** NA-Text omits “hope and change.”
